Nothing Better?

As quoted by Postal Service:

"I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself. With these revisions and gaps in history. So let me help you remember. I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear. I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave"

What the heck. Why am I such a debbie downer? My expectations and thoughts are definitely where I epically fail time and time again. Went out with the guy again last night - the "high expecations" guy. It was pretty miserable. His attitude/vibe was so low energy and uncaring. I slept at his place, literally slept. This morning it was like I was some bother. I wasn't really there and eye contact was so minimal it made me sick. Perhaps I'm overthinking it (shocking), but whatever. I'm human. There is better out there - I know there is. I don't consider myself young, hot, and stupid - I'm mature, handsome, and successful. If that's something that can be misconstrued as "boring," than so be it. I'm me.

I think where my lecture on why I have to leave comes in is that I'm preparing myself to do just that - leave. Leave the ideas that I need a guy to fulfill some void that I don't know particurally even exists at this point in my life. I have career, family, friends, and stresses every which way - why should I continue to focus on having a guy in my life and then continually be disappointed and shit on myself when it doesn't go to plan? I think I'm just over dating and looking. I'm going to prepare myself to just live and let things ride. I'm not going to be closed off completely, but I'm just not going to take anything seriously right now until the perfect opportunity arises and someone actually wants to put effort into being a part of my life. Today's just a really odd day of realizations, and being alone has helped me put it all into perspective. I'm going out tonight to meet up with out of towners (3 sets of them), so I will focus on the joy of being around wonderful people. Austin is out. Cesar is in.